Portraiture from Owen Parris' first couple of days of life

Baby's don't like flash photography. So very few of these photos were taken with a flash. There are some side effects from this, like longer exposure times and yellowing of the subject (because they're generally taken under halogen lights).

Now, there are some who might say that the photo isn't quite the best. They might say "that's a baby?!" Gimme a break. I'd just been through a 13 hour labour. I was still busy holding Cathy up. I think the camera might also have been set to manual focus, and set for working from the other side of the room. There was a single little dinky desklamp pointed at the farthest wall in the room to make the delivery go quicker - lighting would have been better with a couple of candles attached to the camera. And I had to eat store-bought bolognese for dinner, so my tummy... anyways, enough with the excuses.

The first decent photo, wow, focused and everything. The money I spent on that camera certainly seems to have been worth it.

Okay, so it's also fuzzy. Same situation. Notice his hat. That's the one keeping his body heat in. Now it is totally covered in blood. Best couple of bucks spent thus far.

Now we're cooking with gas, first cute photo. Okay, okay, he's a newborn and thus ugly as sin itself, but for a newborn he's looking pretty cute. Nice round head, brought to you at enormous personal cost by his mother. I suspect he was a tad tired at that moment, like everyone else in the room. This was after his first breastfeeding.

Please note on the technical side, this is the first focused picture of my son. Well, at least the first one that's ever going to be published on the Web. There are others, but they have boobies in them. Owen likes boobies, but not for the reason that other people who use the internet do.

Owen gave Cathy a present during his first feed, and that required cleaning the both of them up afterwards. Cathy must have been pretty zonked, she didn't notice him crapping all over her.

The unintiated may notice that the poo's a funny colour - black almost; this is normal (that poo needs to be cleaned up super fast, because it dries hard and sticky like tar). Also, he seems to be hung like a donkey; also normal - at least in my family. There's a brief discussion of hormones later.

He didn't wait long before finding an opportunity to moon the camera, did he? Anyways, he got cleaned up as part of the offical proceedings, including the pre-fight weigh-in.

Owen weighed in at 3550g, or 7lb13oz in the old money (I think I SMSed out the wrong value; I thought it had to be 11oz, because there's 12oz to the pound. Stupid bloody system). Not too big, not too small, just right.

Flash photography - I figured it was acceptable given the jiggling he was doing and the fact that he was looking away. It was a considered decision.

The traumas of the first hours of Owen's exterior life are over, and he's all wrapped up and off to nightly nightly sleepy land.

Pity the mother and father, who won't see solid sleep for six months.

Notice how I've captured all the lovely detail of the blanket, and managed to make his head all blurry? The practice with the camera, cool! What a pro. Still, no flash, no startled child. Tripod work was necessary.

Owen proves yet again that newborn babies are fugly. Its a wonder that they survive to the point where they pork up and actually become cute, what with the whinging and crying and looking like they got hit in the head with every stick in the ugly tree as they fell out of it.

Actually, he looks a little like an elder statesman. Any suggestions as to who? Maybe I can sue for paternity.

Oh, how adorable, he's having a bath. Notice: daylight. This is the next day, Cathy and I are in Parenting 101.

Daylight means that flashless photography was working a treat, especially with the fast lens attached to the camera at this point. Indoor shot, sixth of a second. I think we had the blinds pulled down to make it nice and dim.

Babies come out with a buncha hormones in them. Thus, Owen's nose is covered in pimples. Don't worry, they'll clear up fairly quickly. No need for therapy - yet.

There might be an explaination as why this particular newborn is ugly.

Cathy thought the scene cute. I dunno, maybe the picture needs to be cropped...

Okay, this one's the money shot. You could make greeting cards outta this. The couple of bucks that hat cost make for the bargin of the century.

Arty shot.

34cm head. Which is... I dunno. Might be way off the chart weird, but nothing was said, so I pronouce it normal. <proclaim voice="Her Majesty, the Queen">I hereby declare this head to be normal.</proclaim>

D.J. OMP in da house, rocking the blocks with all the fresh trax.

Owen passed his neonatal hearing test, so no remedial work needs to be taken to ensure that his speech develops normally. They do it while the child is asleep, and I learnt a few tips for keeping a baby asleep from Josie, the operator.

We've got paperwork to prove his hearing's fine, and I took a confirmation photo off the little computer-thingy that tested him saying "OK". Plus, in a big personal moment, I signed on his behalf for the first time. Its offical, because now I'm in a filing cabinet somewhere saying "yep, he's my problem".