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| Life Stories from other women at home. |
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Please enjoy the following life stories from some members of For Women At Home. Each story is unique as are the women who are telling them. Thank you to those for sharing openly with us your experiences, hopes and dreams. My Family I live in Brisbane with my husband James, and daughter Annie, aged 16 months. I am also a part-time stepmother to James’s two sons, Philip, aged 13, and Steven, aged 10, who live with their mother, but spend every second weekend and half of each school holidays with their dad. I work outside of the home two days a week on Mondays and Tuesdays, in an executive support role in the state government. We are very fortunate that James does shift work and has been able to make an arrangement to work 4pm-12midnight on Mondays and to have every Tuesday off, so mostly he is at home when I am working. For those few hours on the Monday afternoon, both sets of our parents have been great and have taken turns on alternate Mondays to look after Annie until I get home from work. The trade-off is that James is often working weekends, but we still manage to have time together. James has a very understanding employer who has been very flexible for many years about his family arrangements. James has always been able to get the time off when Philip and Steven come to stay, both at weekends and for school holidays, and we are very grateful for that. I love being a mother; Annie has brought a lot of joy into our home, and in some ways has "cemented" our blended family. I now really understand the unconditional love that parents have for their children (I don’t think you really understand it until you become a parent yourself), and tend now to be a bit more understanding and relaxed with my two stepsons. They are both very good kids though, so that isn’t too difficult. They fight sometimes of course, like most siblings, but there are no real dramas. I have known the boys since they were quite young and they accepted me from the start, so I guess that has made it easy too. We all get along quite well together. James has always done most of the caring (eg. bathing and dressing, stories at bedtime) and disciplining of the boys, and that seems to work best. Of course I cook and clean for them, and I am available if they need me, but they naturally gravitate toward their dad. I’m sure boys especially need their dad anyway, particularly as they grow older. On my days off paid work I guess I do all the normal things like housework, shopping, playing with Annie, catching up with family and friends, church. I meet casually with a group of mums every second Thursday – we take turns getting together at each other’s homes. Our children are mostly all around the same age and it is great to talk about any problems we are having and to get that support. We started off with three of us, and it has grown to seven mums now – add the kids to that and it is quite a crowd! We are mostly first-time mums so we really appreciate the advice and feedback we get from each other. Most of the mums either are at home full-time, or have part-time jobs, though we do have one dad, who bravely comes along with all the women! At Christmas we all go out to dinner together with our spouses (without the kids) and have a great time. We are planning on having some outings this year too, now that the kids are older and can start to appreciate things like going to the park, the zoo or the beach. I don’t find a lot of time for it, but my main hobby is "scrapbooking", and my sister, who is a "Creative Memories" consultant, holds fortnightly workshops. I love to go and work with my many photos of Annie to create a page which looks attractive, and will last forever to tell a story to future generations. I guess my words of wisdom to other women at home would be: Plan your week, but expect the unexpected and go with the flow – don’t worry about the little things. Enjoy your children and play with them, they grow up so quickly (take lots of photos!!). Try to make some time for yourself each day, maybe when your child/children have their nap, or once they are in bed for the evening. Keep connected with family and friends – you need them and they need you. Lisa from Holland Park Brisbane Enjoying being a full time Mum I am 36 years old, a Mother of a 6 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. The passage of life has really been an evolutionary process. I am surprised at how my priorities have changed. As a young girl I grew up believing that there were options for my life other than being a full time Mother. I had a strong commitment to becoming a financially independent person and maintaining this financial independence throughout my life. I chose to study Economics at University as a step toward achieving this goal. I graduated from University and embarked on my career in the Finance world. I had a strong career focus and was fulfilled by my progress. I was comfortable with my role as a financially independent woman, an equal in a committed relationship and an active participant in the business world. I had certainly deferred the decision to have children and was very uncertain about my ability to Mother. Work, career development and financial independence was my comfort zone. The biological clock forced me out of my comfort zone and compelled me to confront the conflicts that I recognised regarding the balance between family and work. My Mother and many of her friends sacrificed their careers to have and support a family. In many cases the option of tertiary education and a career was not seriously considered. I saw this as limiting. On the other hand, I placed a high value on my Mother’s presence and felt so appreciative that the hours spent after school and during the school holidays were relaxed, unstructured and spent at home with my brother and sister. I had my first child at 30 and returned to work part-time when he was 9 months old. My workplace was very supportive. The hours I requested were approved and a position was created to utilise my skills and knowledge. My son was cared for by a Nanny at a friends home along with their child of the same age. This situation worked very well and my partner was very supportive and shared the drop off and pick-up arrangements. During my 4 years of part time work I experienced the direct trade-off between time spent with work and family. Finding a balance was not easy and I experienced feelings of mixed loyalties. At times I felt my work as a parent and my job outside the home were both being compromised because of the trade-off situation. My daughter was born just as my son was about to start preschool. I saw this as a very precious time for them to get to know each other before my son started school. I extended my leave and took leave without pay. I was due to return to work after I had settled my son into Kindergarten. The more time I spent with my children the more I realised my priorities had changed. I discovered how rewarding I found my time with the children. My study and work experience has provided me with options for the future. My goal of financial independence is not such a high priority any more. I am willing to sacrifice this goal for something I see now as more important, that is, our family’s well being. I find my role as a mother and my place in a cohesive family unit more rewarding than I had ever imagined. I felt a great deal of sadness whenever I thought about my return to work and the prospect of putting my children in care. I seriously considered the reasons for returning to work. I realised that I was about to outsource the job I really love doing, raising my kids. I discovered after being on leave without pay for 18 months that our lives would not fall apart without my financial contribution. Fear about lack of future career opportunities was not enough to convince me to give up a golden opportunity available to me right now. Society may not place a great value on parents spending time raising children but I know that when I look back on my life this will be one of the most precious times. I feel so lucky because I have enjoyed the opportunity to study, work full time, work part time and parent, and now parent full time. I don’t know what the future holds but I feel confident that life is full of opportunities and that I have grown up in a world that has provided me with options. (Name and state withheld)
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