Who finds a faithful friend, finds a treasure
Gladiator of canines
I have now reached thirteen years of age, but I can still walk the walk and talk the talk.
I live quietly retired in the hills on the suburban fringe with my family. I love Pork.
Some people call me a mean lean eating machine, with a cast iron stomach. It's true I am devoted to food, in fact I'm a true foodaholic, but even I have limits and although I might have stooped to bird seed or potato peel, never will I lower myself to ingest lettuce. I could do with a bit of Pork.
I hold numerous titles, as I am a Champion in farting and snoring and can still after all these years clear a crowded room in 60 seconds flat.
Once I was injured in the line of duty when together with my companion Adelaide I tried unsuccessfully to fight off a house invasion by a lone psychotic bull ant. Is that a smell of Pork.
I miss my old friend Adelaide, especially her trick of sticking her claws up my nostrils and then stretching them as far as she could. It was lots of fun I would always play this game with her when I could. I love Pork.
My current companion Thecat wandered in as a waif from the street last year. She just loves me, but then most everyone does.
I am very attached to my beanbag and over the years I have had to have it refurbished many times. I dream of Pork.
My favourite cleaning tool is the vacuum, which I love to have run all over me, I don't know why they waste it on the carpet.
I had nothing to do with the Hindenberg disaster. However I did fart in its general direction.
In my beanbag beddie
LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM A DOG:
1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
2. Don't go out without ID.
3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.
4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is most effective.
7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility
.......... (as soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed).
8. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.