Love/Hate
Love.
Zacharias Smith loved Cedric Diggory. ‘Loved’ being past tense because Cedric is
dead now, his body buried by his parents in a cemetery far, far away.
And although Zacharias was only fourteen when Cedric was picked for the
Triwizard Tournament, he was still old enough to love him. Cedric walked up the
Great Hall and Zacharias clapped extra hard for him, felt the summersault of
happiness in his own stomach as Cedric was sure to feel then.
Dark hair, grey eyes, and a beautiful smile for every Hufflepuff and more, that
was Cedric Diggory. Especially nice to the younger years and amiable with his
closer friends, and he was perfect. It was obvious to Zacharias he’d had a crush
since he was twelve.
The first true realisation came during Quidditch tryouts. Zacharias was
thirteen, and he sat on his broom awkwardly and tried to get the Quaffle past
the Hufflepuff Keeper. Cedric had a blush on his cheeks and grin on his face,
and he cheered enthusiastically when Zacharias got those balls through the hoops
– even though Cedric had never properly met him. True love was imminent: if
Cedric was a season he would have been summer; a dance of sunshine, a breath of
hot hair, a stripe of yellow.
A dash into danger. A gush of life.
*
There’s something about Seekers, Zacharias thinks. It’s like the four Seekers
have their own private club – a little group of competitors whom have devised
their own language and speak it in looks, expressions, and post-game slaps on
the back. Perhaps Zacharias should have been jealous of Cho Chang; after all,
she is a Seeker, right? And she’s pretty and smart, and had most of Cedric’s
attention the year he died. But for some reason he’s pretty indifferent of her.
And Zacharias is not one to be completely indifferent – he has an opinion on
almost everything. He is quiet though, usually, but just because someone is
quiet, does not mean they have opinions which would not like to be heard. He
just knows that people can rarely be persuaded, that they are really quite set
in their ways and there’s nothing much you can do about it. He also likes to ask
questions, as he remembers the advice his mother had told him as a child, that
you can’t get the answers if you don’t ask the questions.
So he knew last year that he did not need to ask Cedric if he liked Cho, because
it was written all over his face whenever she walked into the room.
There was someone else in the background. Harry Potter used to sit behind his
shield of friends as he watched Cedric and Cho from a distance. In this simple
behaviour of observation, Zacharias found a rival. He was glad the other Seeker,
Draco Malfoy, had not bothered to get involved in the strange love quartet as
well, else Zacharias would have been really peeved. Because of this, he is quite
in awe of Draco Malfoy, as Malfoy is quite observant himself if not a little
naïve; (he shouts his racist beliefs at the top of his lungs, if he so desires.
Such things take guts.)
It was obvious both Cho and Cedric took note of Potter, but for some reason, the
three never really took much note of Zacharias.
*
Hate.
Zacharias Smith hates Harry Potter. ‘Hate’ because it was Potter who came back
from the Triwizard Tournament with the Cup grasped in one hand and Cedric’s body
wrapped in his other arm. Hate, because when Zacharias goes to the Hog’s Head,
Potter refuses to talk about Cedric’s death. It rallies on Zacharias’s patience
when Potter won’t talk about it, yet he expects everyone to believe him.
Zacharias asks questions, and Potter doesn’t answer.
If Draco Malfoy is winter (cold, unrelenting, breath-taking) then Harry Potter
follows winter into spring. A glare of green, a shock of black shadow, and mood
wings to match the sun and rain. A sudden outburst of anger; a bright flower
sprung amoungst the bushes. Spring cries a little and presses his lips to
summer’s dust-smudged cheek.
All Zacharias wants to know is how. “All Dumbledore told us last year was
that Cedric Diggory got killed by You-Know-Who and that you brought Diggory’s
body back to Hogwarts. He didn’t give us details, he didn’t tell us exactly how
Diggory got murdered, I think we’d all like to know –“ how you came back
and Cedric didn’t. I think I’d like to know why too. Why was cross, irritable
Potter still alive and perfect, kind Cedric dead? Why?
“If you’ve come to hear exactly what it looks like when Voldemort murders
someone I can’t help you,” Potter snaps back. Gosh, what a temper. But Zacharias
did want to know. What does it feel like to watch someone you love drop dead
before your eyes?
Zacharias and Potter glare at each other; Potter’s eyes are a wash of deep
green. It’s like the Death Curse is being aimed silently down the wooden table
and Zacharias welcomes it. Is this what it was like for Cedric? A power of
unrelenting emerald and oblivion. Potter continues, “I don’t want to talk about
Cedric Diggory, all right? So if that’s what you’re here for, you might as well
clear out.” Zacharias watches him intently, while Cho Chang sends silent energy
Potter’s way also. She is autumn, he supposes, brown and soft, bones thin and
brittle like twigs. Autumn is cold and windy, hesitant, but follows summer, then
leaves him abruptly.
*
Throughout their fifth year, Zacharias tests Potter; he’s wary of his motives,
and besides, is he really that special? Cedric was special and he had not lived.
The Disarming Charm? Oh please, give me a break. Used against
You-Know-Who, even? Zacharias grudgingly believes him, as Zacharias suspects
Potter is a terrible actor. Not to mention he’s doing Remedial Potions – Potter
seems like luck reincarnated and personified, both good and bad.
OWLs finish; Potter and his friends get in yet another accident this year.
Rumour has it Cho Chang broke up with Potter – were they ever really going out?
– and neither are particularly broken hearted. It’s Cho and Michael Corner now,
but wasn’t he going out with the Weasley girl? Zacharias often takes time to
scoff at teenage ten second love lives, although he feels a little envious.
Being gay in the wizarding world tends to limit the amount potential suitors.
Potter is depressed, that much Zacharias can see. His observation hobby has
taken on a new target, and Zacharias neither knows when or how this came about.
The slump of Potter’s shoulders and the dull of his eyes are familiar; Zacharias
knows just how Potter feels: it’s the death of someone he loves. Only this time
Zacharias does not know who.
It’s not important, Zacharias realises suddenly. Harry is refusing, as usual, to
talk.
End.