I was very thrilled to be asked to give a sermon 'testimony' at my local Church about my life and how my spirituality has grown with the many twists and turns of my life.

I would very much like to share it with you now.

I had decided to wing it so to speak when I spoke with you this morning, but then I thought no, what I have to say is too important for me to do that, so I hope you don't mind me having my talk to you prepared.

On the 21^st March 1954 a little girl was born with a disability that even now is in question as to what the diagnosis or prognosis is. All that seems to be evident is that it is a congenital, muscle wasting disease, which means that all the muscles of my body are slowly weakening. I am in the process of undergoing some extensive genetic testing to try to ascertain the diagnosis. I am doing this not only for my own interest, but also in the hope that it may be of some help to future generations if they can indeed isolate the gene.

From the moment I could reason I was always in no doubt that there was a higher power looking after me and guiding me throughout my life. I am sure that this in some respect came from an inner desire to know why? Why had I been born different and was the reason for this difference ever going to be made known to me. I was convinced that God in someway was going to show me that reason sometime in my life. Has he ever shown me the reason why? I am not sure, perhaps I have fulfilled my purpose, and but then again maybe it is yet to come. I don't think about it much anymore, I just have faith that He knows what my purpose on this Earth was and is. I do know that God has given me a very precious gift and that is peace of mind and a quiet acceptance of my disability and all the difficulties associated with it.

I have had two very powerful experiences in my life, which has strengthened my faith in God and has proved to me that He is always with me.

My first tangible encounter was when I was a mere fourteen years old, and I had been living with a frightening secret for a couple of years. I had inadvertently heard that I would not live beyond my sixteenth birthday. I was in sheer terror; I did not want to die. I became so ill living with the fear, that to others it was apparent that the prophecy was about to be fulfilled. Eventually the secret came out, but no amount of talking, and comforting would ease my mind.

It was at this time I was a Girl Guide and an excursion had been arranged to St. Paul's Cathedral. I did not want to go, but was encouraged to by my mother. A friend drove me there and with the others of my group we entered the Cathedral. I can still feel the utter wonderment of the sights and sound. The Choir was singing like a chorus of angels, the candles were lit, the whole ambiance was so comforting to me that I found myself looking up at the altar and praying to God. I told Him that I was so afraid to die, but if He wanted me, I would go, but to please take the fear from me. I just did not want to be afraid anymore. It was at this moment I felt what could only be described as a presence enveloping me, I felt surrounded and encased by a feeling of warmth, and love, but just as suddenly as it descended, it raised up and with it took something from me. The terrible knot in the pit my stomach that had been there for so long had gone and I felt totally at peace. The knowledge of death was still in my mind and with that, the reality that it was still very probable, but the fear was no longer in my heart, nor my soul. From that moment on the fear of death was gone. I went home that night a different little girl and everyone knew something had changed.

The second time God made Himself known to me was when I was thirty-four and I suffered a respiratory arrest and was placed on total life support for eight months. I was told that the probability of my coming off life support was thought extremely unlikely and that I would possibly spend the rest of my life in a facility on permanent life support unable to ever again breathe on my own. I spent a year in Hospital learning how to breathe again.

It was during this time when I experienced an NDE (A Near Death Experience). I had died twice and had been brought back both times. It was during one of these occasions that my NDE occurred. I remember vividly being pulled very rapidly down a black tunnel and hearing my name being called and in my mind I am replying, "I am coming",  I am coming". I knew my mother and my beloved grandfather were waiting for me at the end of the tunnel to greet me. I could not see them, I just knew they were there. I was also aware of an all-consuming force that was also waiting for me. The joy I felt was, and still is totally indescribable. I knew I was nearly there, and my joy and excitement was becoming more intense. I so wanted to reach my destination, but just as I was almost there I felt like I was in a slingshot, and I was flung hurtling backwards with such force and speed. It was then that I suddenly became aware of the hospital staff working on me.

It was many months before I had the courage to say something about my experience to anyone, but I finally told a Nurse who then the next day brought me in some books on the subject by Professor Elizabeth Kubler-Ross who is famous for her works with death and the dying. I devoured these books and realized that others had had similar experiences.

Now I know that there is very conflicting thoughts on NDE's, some of the scientific community believe that it is some form of chemical release in the brain at the time of death that causes a psychotic disturbance.  All I can say is that for me, I totally believe that I was on  my journey to whence I came. I also believe that God decided that it was still not my time and I had to go back to finish my life. I hasten to add that for a couple of years after this experience I had times when I felt trapped between two worlds, that a part of me was on this Earth and the rest was somewhere else. Most of these feelings however have since passed.

This experience gave me yet another new perspective about life and death and with that an insight into how precious life is. One of my many sayings on the philosophy of life are, "Life is not a dress rehearsal". We owe it to God and ourselves to make the most of what we have been given, and not to waste a moment of life, to give of ourselves to others and be the best we can be, and to strive to reach beyond our limitations.

People often ask me how can I stay so cheerful and not let life and my disability get me down. I always find it difficult to answer. I just think that I was fortunate to have been given a strong mind and a tenacious spirit, but most of all I have an abiding faith, that no matter what happens, I am not alone, God is always with me.

I truly believe that at the end of our mortal life, if we can look back with no regrets and no longing in our hearts, that we have indeed led a good life.

A post script to this Testimony:

I mentioned within the above Testimony that I was undergoing extensive genetic testing to isolate the gene that is responsible for my rather mysterious disease. Well unfortunately all tests were negative, so one could say that I am indeed very much one of a kind. I may never know in my life-time the cause of my genetic disease.

Music: 'You Will Never Walk Alone'

"Life"

This page was last edited: Saturday, April 01, 2006 03:09 PM