subject: Michael

Interviewer: The ghost of a long-dead alcoholic Herald/Sun journalist.

Ghost: Have you given up the ghost, (excuse the pun)?

Michael: At one stage, I thought I had.

G: Elaborate, please...

M: Well at the start of this year I travelled to Albury-Woodonga for a funeral. I thought , wow - lots of material here for my next entry.

G: And ....?

M: I just couldn't be bothered and when I did make a start on it, the story went stale.

G: That's a pity, I thought your entries were just starting to hint at a semblance of maturity. So, was there anything of interest you would like to mention now about that trip to the Big River ?

M: Hmm, let's see..my bloody arse ached like a bastard in the car.

G: By geez you're a fucken whinger!

M: Whinging is my hobby.

Some outstanding memories of my visit were the Albury botanical gardens and The Commercial Club where I drank endless pots of icy cold Carlton Draught. It was 38c outside, those beers were sweet relief. By the way, country people are really fat - I mean, everywhere you looked, porky pink great sweaty faces.

G: Ok, so apart from criticizing the good and decent folk of Albury, what aspects of the brief time away were beneficial to you ?

M: The air was amazingly clear and dry. Walking around in extreme heat did not bother me as much as it normally does. I felt the best I have felt in ages.

G: That must have made a huge difference to your state of mind, being such a hypochondriac. Also...I notice that with your gait, you walk as if you have a painfully large log of ironbark rammed up your arse...

M: GET FUCKED, OK?? A fucken alcoholic like yourself would not know a thing about true physical suffering. Anyway, didn't you piss most of your life up against a wall ?

G: Oh right, and you just HATE a drink. Got a job yet ?

M: Who are you ? My father ?

G: Er, now you seem to attract very strange people into your life. Why is that ?

M: Growing up as a bit of an introvert didn't help. My view of "normal" people was quite warped.

G: So then, what is "normal"?

M: Whatever society deems it to be.

G: Tell me about these "oddballs" in your life.

M: Without naming names, I have collected a number of friends who all seem to share one thing in common, that is, either an extreme view, personality or obsession. The funny thing is, I can't stand extremists.

G: Why then does a dullard like you have interesting friends ?

M: I suppose that's just it. Being dull, I feed on these bright people with a spark. In doing so, I ignite my own personality.

G: And now your photography. What are you doing with it these days ?

M: As always, I am passionate, or running away from it. In the last 3 months,I have done some portraits and weddings.

G: Do you think you have a style ?

M: I may. I seem to look for duality or contrast. This may be pictorially or emotionally. I like to set up one thing against the background of the opposite. For instance, when I was in my late teens I was fascinated by railway gantries and tram lines. I would photograph them against heavy or cloudy skies. Another example is fine spidery branches of trees against a wall....that sort of thing.

G: Back now to finding a job. Do you really want to work ?

M: Not if I am going to be in some soul destroying occupation. That would just do my fucking head in.

G: What makes you so different from the poor pleb who has to work for a living?

M: A lot of people set themselves up early in life for the mundane, the boring, the great suburban trap. Whether it is family or peer pressure, they are on a road to oblivion. Usually the whole thing is about money. For example, you may leave school early because you are either forced to or you yourself want to work. Then get a job with no future and a paltry wage. Find a girl, then get married. Pressure is then on for the house and kids. Automatically, you're locked into debt and family responsibility. All of a sudden you're 65 and watering the lawn of your 3 bedroom brick veneer in Melton North. You feel a sledgehammer to the chest and carke it ! A life lived on your knees. Fuck all that !

G: You are a strange one, Mr Feehan. I understand you have had it a bit tough, but by God you are cynical !

M: Yep, cynical, melancholy, bitter and fucked up....and loving it. Oh yeah, did I mention self loathing up to the eyeballs ?

G: Well, thanks for the insight and your time digger. I'll pop in for a cold one again - you can bet on that !

M: No wucken furburgers !

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