It's so easy to do, especially if you have a stiff neck. One moment you're standing there, looking nonchalantly at the wall, the next you walk out and notice you have splashed the boots. Life is like that, you're either shitted upon from a great height, or pissing about.
As an Astrologer of sorts, my chart shows typical mid-life crisis patterns for 2002. It's like I really haven't made up my mind about a life direction. Just when you get serious about a chosen purpose, it dawns on you in the most humiliating way that it has all been a complete waste of time, and once again you are treading water aimlessley. This is not true of course, but it is one of the mind's little tricks. A bad joke that is played over and over again, but I for one am not believing any of it.
There was a time in my late teens when I thought my life was already mapped out for me, though up until my mid-thirties it was an ongoing mini-series of stop, >play, <<rewind and >> fast foward... The meaning of self-realization is only beginning to dawn on me now. During this period you start to question your life, your goals and ideals and how far you have fulfilled them. I am finding there is a real danger in going off half-cocked pursuing some dream that is unrealistic and therefore not even worth realizing.
So I have decided for the time being to scrutinize myself. The problem is I had convinced myself that I know who I am, and perhaps I do, but at this time when I am going through this "re-evaluation" I do not know. So I have decided to allow myself time to see the "truth", whatever that is. It's too late to live with the consquences of an ill-considered decision.
The passage of time will hopefully sort out the delusions or insights. I just hope I can determine which is which.