An Attitude of Gratitude!

I first came through the doors of Nar-Anon in a desperate state. A single parent caring for a son with heavy poly-drug addiction and severe mental illness (schizophrenia and obsessive-compulsive disorder), I could see no future for my son or myself than an ever-worsening continuation of what we had been experiencing. My son's mental illness was probably caused, and undoubtedly exacerbated by his drug use, but since he refused to acknowledge this and was unable or unwilling to stop using, his illness continued to worsen, and a clear diagnosis and effective treatment were impossible. Not only did his condition make him an invalid needing constant care, but he was abusive, violent and frequently expressing bizarre and suicidal thoughts. He demanded constant attention, wanting endlessly to talk and ruminate about his problems .

I came to see that unless I did something to change the situation, it would inevitably get worse. It was hard to imagine how the nightmare would end.

Severely depressed and with my physical health starting to fail, I began going to Nar-Anon meetings.

Being told that I could not control my son's addiction (Step 1) was a bitter pill to swallow. But I came to realise that, not only was it true, but incredibly freeing. I saw that for years I had been expending all my energy trying to do the impossible. I began to understand that I could not  be responsible for another's behaviour.

The next lesson I learnt followed from the first. Since it was not me that had responsibility for my son's addiction and drug-taking, it must be that he did. Only he could decide whether to use or not, and furthermore, by trying to take responsibility for him I was actually taking away from his ability to do so for himself. Slowly I learnt to let go with love.

To-day my son's condition is vastly improved and he is beginning to live independently.

My life has been transformed. I have moved far beyond simply resolving the crisis with my son. The things I have learned in Nar-Anon have set me on a path of healing and self-discovery that has already made me happier and more fulfilled than ever before, more than I could have believed possible for me. I have an amazing sense of spiritual awakening (it was as though my spirit had died before) and, after many years of being alone I will soon be marrying a wonderful woman who is on a similar journey (we met at Nar-Anon!).

It is a cliche that one can come to be grateful to the addict, but in my case it was definitely the addict and the crisis he brought me to that precipitated change. I am grateful to my son AND Nar-Anon!

-Dave, Springwood group.

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Hi, my name is T.

I am addicted to an addict. I believe I have a disease & this is affecting the whole family.

Sometimes I can’t control my anger, depression, moods, crying, pain & guilt. I usually take all this out on those closest to me including the addict in my life.

I really try to detach from the addict, this person I am addicted to whom I love unconditionally as they too have a disease which effects the whole family.

I have an uncontrollable compulsion to help my addict. I give money, food, smokes, lend my car or give lifts, lie for, pay fines for & take over responsibilities for. These are just some of the crazy things I do when my disease takes over. I also make promises, then break them (usually to myself). I try to reason with logic but seem to be speaking a different language. I am unreliable & expect my life to be normal. I can’t live a normal life with my disease, but I don’t want to let this disease ruin & destroy everything I have worked hard to get over the years. If I let it, it will break up relationships, families, marriages & even friendships. It will interfere with my work too.

Sometimes I can go for a day & feel good & want my life back so badly I decide I am going to do something about it, to get help. Until unexpectedly my compulsion to get involved with the addict's life & problems takes me over without a second thought. 

It's then I go back to my first step. I am powerless over Addicts (in recovery or not) Drugs, Alcohol, People, Places & Things. My life is unmanageable.

I am an addict. I have been in recovery for 12 months. I am free from enabling my addict for 2 days. I was going to give my addict $2 to put with his $10 to buy smokes, but I didn’t & I don’t feel guilty about it at all.

I have come along way & I have faith in my recovery.
Just for Today I choose not to enable.

Thanks for listening.

(I wrote this when my Addict had been in yet another Rehab & when his time was up he went back out on the streets. He has since got himself clean & has been for about 5 months. My Addict has now found drinking alcohol takes ""the edge off"". I continue to attend my meeting, work the steps & try to find serenity even if this person I love is still battling. Without Naranon I wouldn't have the strength I have today. Thanks again.).

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An unexpected source of help

Recently my wife and I (both retired) received some unexpected help from the NSW Police in our area.

We have lived with a drug (speed) addicted son of 27 years for over 3 years now, and have put up with all the usual traumas that we all know only too well by now. Our son had refused to leave home when asked, and had said "make me" . On recent occasions we have both felt quite concerned, when our drug addicted son threatened physical violence.

On calling around to our local Police Station in Charlestown, we spent a most reassuring hour or so with a female Senior Sergeant. She advised us that we did not have to put up with the antics of our son, and needed to have some quality back into our lives. She suggested we explain to our son that we had to been to the Police and ask him to leave by a certain day.

If he didn't go we were to ring the Police who would call and ask our son to leave.
He would be told he was trespassing and if he did not leave would be arrested and taken away and charged. The Police would arrange if required to issue an order requiring him to stay away .

Our son did go by the appointed day but then returned some weeks later. 
Subsequently we had to call the Police who evicted him. He returned his house keys in their presence and was told of the conditions under which he might call at our house .
There is still a long way to go but we do at least have our home back to our selves, can get a good night's sleep and after living in our retirement villa for over five years we now have a "sun" room instead of a "son" room!

We still take one day at a time and are most grateful for the help we received from a most unexpected source.
We trust this might be of some help to others in a similar predicament.

- A grateful member.

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"BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD"

Hi my name is Anne.

I found Naranon just over 12months ago. Ironically it was my addict who put me onto the program. For this I will be eternally grateful to her. She had been attending NA herself for a couple of months and even though it was a day to day struggle for her she was finally beginning to help herself and after being in the program myself now I have come to realize it was because of two key reasons;

1. Because she wanted help. She wanted to be there.
2. We (my husband & I) had made a conscious decision to stop enabling her.

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"Devastated and heart-broken"

I met my addict 9 months ago and i thought he was the best thing that ever happened to me. He had everything i'd ever wanted in a man, Crazy sense of humour, piercings, same fun loving nature and as our relationship grew i realised he was everything sexually as well. from the moment we got together is was a disaster. I fell pregnant pretty much straight away and 2 weeks later lost it, ironically the same day his ex-wife gave birth 2 his youngest son! I learned 2 deal with the day to day mood swings and requests but 6 months into our relationship, around xmas time, he cheated on me with anothe addict from his fellowship. I gave him the benefit of my doubt and spent the next 3 months trying 2 patch up what had been done. i'm now seperated from him and he is still with his addict girlfriend in my house and bed! im left devestated and heart-broken. is this normal? what do i do now? any suggestions r gr8tly appreciated.

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Re: "Devastated and heart-broken"

What I am about to share comes from my experience, reading, and a lot of listening to other Nar-Anon members.

For the addict, reality is optional.  Whenever life becomes uncomfortable, the addict will reach for a drug, a drink, or some other way of opting out.  There is always a  reluctance to confront difficult situations, follow things through  to the end,  to take responsibility for themselves. That is why their lives often have a "soap opera" feel to them, and why they so often seem to be plagued by "bad luck".

There is only one area of their life that the committed addict really cares about,  that is, their drugs.  The obtaining, using, maintaining supply of drugs, and other related issues like getting  money for drugs, and making and maintaining drug contacts, are the addict's first priority.  Everything else, including their relationships with other people, is secondary.

One exception to this is if another person can be of use to them in some way, such as by supplying them with money, drugs, food, sex, accommodation or other needs that will make it easier or more comfortable for them to carry on drugging (to "enable" their activities).  Such a person is called an "enabler".  Most addicts are capable of becoming very charming and seductive when they sense the opportunity  to snare an enabler.  Many of us in Nar-Anon have gone through the stage of being enablers.

Although at first you might think that your relationship with the addict is wonderful, this cannot last, because the relationship is fundamentally an exploitative one.  Eventually you will start to realise that you are being used, and that the charm is beginning to wear off.  You might think you love the addict, but a relationship of inequality (where one partner is being exploited by the other) is not a relationship of love.  You are probably mistaking pity or sex or emotional dependency or a desire to "fix" the addict's problems for love, or hoping to recapture the first feelings of the relationship when the addict was still trying to get you in.  It is not possible to have a genuinely loving relationship with an active addict because you will always be secondary to their first love (drugs), and because you are trying to relate to the drugs, not the person.

It might sound from this that I hate addicts.  Not so.  I understand that the addict has a disease, a kind of mental illness, that makes them narcissistic and unable to relate normally.  This affects everything from their intimate relationships, to their relationship with the whole of society, as well as their relationship with themselves.  I know that at some level every addict is a good and worthwhile person - some of the most thoughtful and spiritual people I have met have been recovering addicts.  But at the same time I realise the dangers to myself of being emotionally involved with an active addict.

You cannot "cure" or change an addict, or even convince an addict to change.  Fundamentally the addict must take responsibility for their own life.  You cannot do that for them.  The more you enable the addict, the less he is able to take responsibility for himself.  Once the addict has really decided to take responsibility for his own life, the rest will follow.

It is clear that  being emotionally involved  with an active addict places you in great emotional jeopardy.  It is crazy to think that it is OK to allow your sanity or happiness to depend on the mad, erratic behaviour of such a person,  moreover, a person who does not have your best interests at heart.

So what do you do if you love such a person?

I urge you to join a Nar-Anon group as soon as possible and to work the program.  Listen (we have a saying: "take the cotton wool out of your ears and put it in your mouth"!) read the literature, and work the steps.  The way the Nar-Anon program works is by helping us to change ourselves, it is not concerned with trying to change the addict.    

"Peace...it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."
-Buddhist proverb.

I hope this has given you some new information, or maybe a different way of looking at it that is helpful.

-Dave

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A story of recovery into sanity and serenity.

I am a 25 year old mother of a 7 year old girl and mother to my 15 year old brother.

My drug users are my mother, my grandmother, sister and uncle. All in their own way have affected my life. 

I have grown up looking after myself and my mother. She is a manipulative, lying, abusing, self-absorbed etc. person yet I still kept getting dragged into her web of lies and deceit. I have looked after her since I can remember and apparently before I can remember. I have cleaned up her houses that she has run away from. I have paid  her bills. I have "lent" her money and taken in her son as my own. I have paid for airfares to get her to rehab centres. She has just not turned up. Yet through all this she does not appreciate what I have done and continues to try and suck the life out of me. She calls me with verbal abuse if I say I cannot give her the money she wants, she blames me for the way her life is and uses me like I was just another person she wants to destroy.

My grand-mother went to jail at the age of 60 for dealing drugs and still has not stopped using or dealing. I no longer have any contact with her and feel that is for the best. She came to my wedding recently but her eyes were vacant.

My uncle came to stay with me for a week because I could not say no at the time. He was not the perfect house guest and abused my kind gesture.

My sister is in denial and says that she does not use drugs but it is plain and obvious that she does. I see her spiralling down the same way that mum has and in doing that she has dragged me into her web. I lend her money, she calls me and says she is about to kill herself and then turns her phone off while I run around in a panic calling police and friends trying to track her down. Days later she sends me messages saying "Hi, How are you" as though nothing has happened.

I grew up in a small country town called Nimbin where someone over dosing in the local toilet was the norm.

I say all this as though these people (my family) are the burden on my life and I suppose yes they are. I used to feel like they had caused me a lot of pain and chaos, but I have since realised that they were not really the ones causing the chaos in my life. I was the one who would race around to solve my mothers problems. I was the one who panicked at my sisters multiple fake phone calls about suicide. I was the one who allowed my uncle in my house and I was the one who visited my grandmother in jail.

What I am trying to say is that 2 weeks ago my mother called abusing my brother about me. I saw the pain wash over his face. I saw the tears in his eyes as his "mother" spoke about me with such disgust and I decided that the most important people in my life are myself, my daughter, my husband and my brother. I wrote my mother an email which I have included here...

Email sent to my Mother.

Okay,

This is what I have to say!! 
You will probably get angry with this email but I am over caring.

What you did yesterday is what you always do. You are selfish. Its all about what you want not about what is actually happening in reality.
K. was at MY house using MY phone we had guests over that had come to have a birthday cake with him and because you had been trying to contact him I said give your Mother a call. Its a portable phone that he could have left the room, as I said we were in MY loungeroom. There was 5 people at least. K. spoke to you for a while with silence but unfortunately you can only ask guests to be quite for so long. Dinner was being served and we asked Kit to get off the phone and call you when he got home. It is not my problem that he didnt want to call you when he got home so he didn't tell you that part.
Before you go off all half cocked and get all emotional you should remember that although you are not here " LIFE GOES ON ".  What right do you have to yell hysterically into K.'s ear about me? He stormed off after your phone call and I had to calm him down and get him to come back for his cake.

All I can say to you is that I understand that you wanted to speak to your son on his birthday, but I think that I let you do that.
I dont care if you saved your last $4.00 to call. You always manage to find a way to call me when you want Money!!
AND that brings me to what I have to say.... YES I do have a massive problem with you. My problem is you have no memory. you dont care that in the last 3-4 years I have spent an unknown amount of money helping you.. airfares, phone bills, rent etc. Not to mention cleaning your house and listening to your hysterics. I cannot remember the last time you called me just to say hello or find out how your grand daughter is going at school. 
You know what no matter what you have ever said or done I have always said that you were a good mother and now I am saying to you that you dont have a clue what that means.

How dare you yell shit about me to my brother who I with the help of my husband guide through his teenage years. Your son as you so grandly put it last night is doing GREAT, and not because you call yourself a good mum. I have never once in all these years been as mad as I am now, even when I have NO Money and you still put pressure on me for some.

How about you start to respect me. I am sick of both you and M. chucking your mental tantrums and I am always the one you both direct it at.

I want you to wake up to yourself and realise that life isn't all about you. You are always saying why doesn't my family like me, why wont they talk to me. Well maybe its time you looked at yourself and realised that maybe it is something that you are doing.

You know what I DONT CARE, what you do to yourself, I dont even care that you lie to me and everyone else and say you dont use drugs, because that doesnt hurt me. But I DO CARE, when you call me up asking for money and I say no and you get upset and make me feel guilty and I DO Care when you call up hysterical saying whatever you want about me and my family.

You know what, you are a drug user, you may say that you don't take Heroin anymore but you smoke marijuana, you take prescription drugs like they are going out of fashion. You take the same drugs as people who have cancer and you mix them. Dont treat me like I am a fool, I have tried to help you so many times to stop taking these things and repeatedly you have chosen drugs over your children. I have nothing more to say to you except - do not contact me. I want nothing more to do with you. I dont want my daughter to ever know you and I refuse to have you use me anymore.
DO NOT abuse me to K. because he will resent you for that. Try and have the decency to talk to your son about him and not yourself for once.
I hope you can sleep at night knowing that you have finally pushed me to this point, but I am sure that you will because you have a way of turning things around so that you can justify what you do and blame everyone else.
I wont bother saying good luck with your life because you have a plan already, wake up, go to doctors, take drugs, go back to sleep.

Laura


I feel that I have finally said what I have been bottling up inside for so long. Yes I feel guilty for sending it. Yes I feel scared that I now have no contact with her and don't know if she is alive. But I do not have the daily abuse. I do not have the fear of answering the phone. I feel refreshed. I have finally made steps to finding out how I can help others in my situation.
I think I will always feel pain, anger and many emotions towards my family and probably on a mental level will always be scarred. I am writing this in the hope that someone in my situation may read it and feel some sort of connection to what I am saying and maybe feel they are not alone.

Thank You

Note: to maintain the anonymity of family members in the above story, their full names have been omitted.

-Webmaster.  

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Help, please!

HEY, I'M IN LOVE WITH AN ADDICT.  I DON'T KNOW  WHAT TO DO TO.  I RECENTLY HAD A CHILD AND THE BIRTH WAS GOOD THANKFULLY.  I'VE BEEN AN AA MEMBER 4 OR 5 YEARS, SO I KNOW THE GAME AND ALL ITS TRICKS.  I NEED SOME RESPONSES ON WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE HUBBY (ADDICT) BECAUSE HE WON'T GO TO MEETINGS OR CHURCH OR ANYTHING SPIRITUAL.

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Ready For Change!

Hi,
I've come to this group after years of 'managing' on my own. I am a mum with three wonderful children and a job I mostly love in an amazing field (I teach children with special needs). I also pay for a house cleaner and a child minder whilst my 'partner' sleeps in late and basically does very little that is not related to maintenance of his dope habit. He works two nights to have extra cash - to pay for that. I've just taken on a second job to help pay all the extra costs above. I am at the end of the line. I am very sad and frustrated that it has all come to this. I am an enabler and I have to put up with a lot of negativity and criticism in return. Today is my birthday and I have promised myself I will address the situation above. 

On Monday we have an appointment with a psychiatrist.  My partner is not 'drug-dependant'. He is 'depressed'. That is the denial. He refuses treatment for the depression. It has been years and I want my life back. It is eating away at my own sanity now. I just pray for the strength with following through insisting that he leave Thank you for sharing your stories.

- Rose

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On The Road To Recovery

I only found out about you folks a few days ago. 

My twin sister and I have addictive personalities. The difference is that I recognised this some time ago. My only addiction has been cigarettes. I have LET GO and I wanted to share how it's been since letting go and what I have processed. 

K's addiction is morphine, pain tablets, speed, no-doze, V drinks, whatever the addict can lay its hands on. I have for some time separated her from the addiction. However it was becoming harder as the addict has become full time. The lies are so much more obvious - it's pathological. What I felt was anger toward our mum, (foster mum we grew up with since 2 1/2 yrs - we're now 37) that she has been supplying her with 'downers' so she can get to sleep! So I have discovered a huge co-dependency issue with mum - The need to be needed. She will give K money, lend her the car to drive the 40k's to the new doctor (she's doctor shopped a long time). You all know the story.

Anyway, what I wanted to write to you for was to just say last weekend, I made a decision to let go of my sister. Mum - I let go of a few months ago - over other issues which stemmed from K driving the wedge between us. Anyway, I was accused of not helping her (hidden words - not helping her addiction) in an abusive manner. I simply told her I would not tolerate abuse of any form from anyone, and clearly pointed out the help I had given her in the past. Oh no, conveniently that was forgotten, erased, to suit the huge frustration and 'need' for 'help'. I also told her the 'help' she needs I can not give her, that a professional is who she needs. Of course the anger is put 'out there' to me - the one who is closest to her, and in reality the anger is with her own denial of being an addict. I love her, and would help her at the time she is honest with me or at least acknowledges she is in need of attention regarding the substance abuse.

I have had to set boundaries. I have two young beautiful healthy children and a husband who has a mental illness - who is really well. We are living a positive healthy life. The mum we grew up with was always rescuing, so there were always people in her life with Dramas, and to be honest I'd had a gutful. The sad part about that is she doesn't see that. In phone conversations, she would always be talking the doom and gloom of others lives and 'I don't know what we are going to do' then be the one that is helping them out with money, drugs etc. Wasn't just my sister - in relation to money I mean. So she was feeding their 'issues' to satisfy her own co-dependency issue. As for my sister and her, they are their own worst enemies. 

I feel letting go has released me from frustration, anger, hurt and confusion. Because I can see from outside now a lot clearer the patterns that had been there for years. The sadness is there when I think of how bright and cheerful and humorous my sister was. The loss is great, because it is like there is a dual loss, the loss of who she was and who she could be. I don't mean that in a materialistic manner or job way, I simply mean the real person that she could be. 

I can not change others, I can change how I think about others and however hard it seemed at the time - to let go - (and that is only because I was scared to go out of that zone) it is worth it to me, my family and maybe it might be just enough to have my mum and sister think about their situations. If they don't, that's ok. I will always love them. I will write to them and let them know how I feel. I will not tell them what they should, ought and must do or have any of the 'you' confrontations in the letter. Just simply say how I feel and set boundaries around communication. (that I won't tolerate abuse). Because I felt angry and hurt, and stunned at the time, and of course my little guys sensed it, even though I was running on auto pilot - we all know kids pick up how we really are- as within as without. I do not want that in my life. 

Anyway, thanks for the site.

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Living with a Recovering Addict

I am lucky enough to live with a recovering addict, he has been clean 11 years and we have been together for 6 years so I never lived with him as an active addict. My x-husband was an active addict and for the 9 years I was with him I constantly 'enabled' him and believed I would help him change. He never changed and when I had finally had enough I left. When I met my current partner I so appreciated that fact that he had gotten clean on his own!

I HAVE NOW LEARNT THAT THIS IS REALLY THE ONLY WAY AN ADDICT CAN GET CLEAN, ALONG WITH THE HELP AND SUPPORT OF NA. HE OR SHE MUST REALLY WANT TO DO IT FOR THEMSELVES. You can't do it for them, and making their life easier only enables them to do it longer.

But living with an addict, even one in long term recovery has its challenges. We currently live along way from NA meetings and Nar-anon are even harder to get to, but we are hoping to change that soon as it is such a supporting fellowship. In the meantime we try and read our literature etc but I would be really interested to hear from other people who live with recovering addicts to share stories. I count my blessings when I read other Nar-anon members stories, and I wonder how on earth they manage, but are there other members not living with active addicts who like me find life is still a huge challenge? Or is it that I just really need to live the programme more and worry about the addict less....

I would be interested in some feedback, thanks.

Tamara.

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Courage to Change!

My partner and I have been together for 10 years. He was on speed when I first met him. He told me he wanted to get off all the drugs, (he also used pot and alcohol). He asked for my help . That's where I made my first mistake. For all those years it has been down hill. Every time B. wanted to go on a binge , he would cause an argument. Then he would disappear for days or weeks on end. I recall one time he was gone for 3 months, I ended up getting a call from a mental hospital, as that is where B ended up. Yes I took him back. Time and time again. He would still use the speed at home or his work place, all behind my back. Over the past 10 years B. has left some 50 times. At the time of writing this, B. has been gone for almost 4 weeks, not one word to me , not a phone call, nothing. I don't know if he is dead or alive.

I  am tired, tired of the lies, the deceit. I don't like the person I have become. I feel like I am a detective. He is the addict, I am the enabler. Will I take him back if he returns? I honestly don't know. What I do know is, that I can't do this by myself anymore. I Surrender. I am handing it over to a higher power. The one thing I have realised is that I have helped him to continue with his drug use. Now B. is on his own. He may choose to come back. I may choose to take him back, I honestly don't know. What I do know is, that I MUST let him take control of his own life. It is his choice to use drugs, just as it is my choice not to. 

Lynn.

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The Getting of Wisdom!

Hi. I am 37. I have had three addict boyfriends and my father was a prescription addict. I have realised that anyone not in recovery is not safe and not everyone in recovery is either. The effects of this disease are long lasting. The danger I subjected myself and my daughter to you would not believe. 8 years after the end of a relationship I am still dealing with the consequences financially after allowing myself to sign a contract effectively "ripping me off" for years. And I keep on loving him. Sometimes I even keep on laughing at his antics years later. My God what else can I do? I keep on thinking one day he'll come to me and say sorry and we'll all be friends. I am the insane one. It is my naivety and lack of willingness to admit my part in this that I must first admit the nature of this disease and secondly acknowledge that he will rip off his own child's soul in order for him not to feel and to keep using. I cannot control him or this powerful disease but I must learn about it, not forget about it and operate from that place at all times even when it all seems fine. But what if it is a child? Well that's a good question, but my sanity and wellbeing must come first otherwise I am no good for them and I am no good for me. I must remember that I am precious too. Just as much and that it is only by the Grace of God that they will get well from this. Just as I am. Thank you God.

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Help, please!

Hello, I am in a relationship with an active addict and we have a beautiful, wonderful two and a half year old child together. My partner went into rehab before our son was born, and when he came out quickly switched addictions from alcohol and cocaine to codeine. He also suffers from depression and takes anti-depressants. He is a great father in terms of playing with, and teaching our child - when it suits him.  Its been a struggle the last few years, but he keeps promising to quit, tries to, we have a wonderful time so it seems, communicating, being close, sharing stories of what our son did today, planning our future, and then the drug abuse starts again. I have reacted with anger at many times, but mostly (I think) with support, encouragement, attempts at understanding. During a recent "good time" my partner got a great job in the Pacific, I felt that we would undertake this big commitment together, it fit with our future plans, was good for his career.  We rented out our house and took our son away from his grandparents, everything he knows.

My partner came a month earlier --when we arrived I knew immediately that he was back on drugs. Its been a terrible month, I want to go home but the house is rented for a year, feel completely alone. He is so angry at me for no reason all the time, I have no one to talk to about it, and worry so much for my son --is it better to take him back to Melbourne winter, start new child care, rent a different house and take him away from the father he adores? He has just started to settle into his new house and routine. Do I put up with being treated like dirt, verbally abused and doing all the work around here --is that the best thing? 

I am desperate and alone and so frightened of making another seemingly irreversible choice and dragging my son along. Is there any Nar-anon online or someone who I can email just to stay sane? My partner says he has been off drugs now for 4 days, am not sure that I believe him, as always want to give the benefit of the doubt --but know that the abuse will start again and not far in the future.

S.

(my email address for anyone to reply sv29369@yahoo.com.au).

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Tell us your story!

Email us your story for possible publication on this website.  We may need to edit material  to correct spelling and punctuation, fit it within available space or to protect the anonymity of third parties, however we will keep editing to a minimum.

-Dave (Webmaster).