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Proverbs 27:15, "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant
dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining
the wind or grasping oil with the hand." (NIV)
A quarrelsome spouse can quickly turn the familiar phrase,
"You complete me," into "You deplete me."
Water torture: It's when you are restrained, lying face up
with water hitting you on the forehead between the
eyes...one drip at a time. It has been known to drive people
crazy. The craving for it to stop is maddening.
For 30 years, I've been observing, operating and owning
businesses. For seven years in the 80's I owned a salon
where six styling chairs rotated the days with cackling
women. Stand back and objectively listen to the sound. The
clatter would roll like a wave, first the low rumble of
chitchat, building with the latest gossip, and finally the
uproar of laughter filled the room. Often the familiar
refrain centered on the grumblings and shortcomings of their
spouses. It was not uncommon to hear, "He came home from his
business trip and I just let him have it." Quickly the other
women would chime in with similar stories until the shop
noise escalated to a deafening crescendo.
A doctor of psychology did a study on why women tell their
stylists more than their shrink and he discovered it is
because they have a license to touch them. When you get into
someone's space close enough to touch them, the barriers
often come down.
In the past two decades, my business ventures have taken me
into industries, which are predominantly male. It has been
interesting to hear "the rest of the story" from the men's
points of view. They have been at a trade show all week and
yes, they have stayed in a nice place and eaten good food,
but they are exhausted. Required to be at the beck and call
of not only the boss, but the customer as well; the mental
and emotional drain of being "on" all week has wiped them
out. If it has been a good week, they are on top of the
world; however if things didn't go as planned, their chins
might be dragging the floor. Bombarded with compliments,
complaints and temptations at every turn, their emotional,
mental and spiritual tanks may be empty.
They look forward to coming home. At one point in their life
they courted you, they longed for you, and they married you.
Now they work for you. They go out, kill the buffalo and
drag it home for the family to eat... or at least that is
the way they feel after a grueling week at work. However,
they still envision their princess waiting for them with a
warm smile, a gentle hug and an affectionate kiss.
The homecoming of the weary warrior is not always what he
envisions. He is often greeted with a snippy remark, a
screaming child and a frozen bed. Immediately he wants to
turn and run back to the wilderness where at least he had a
fighting chance.
In James chapter four, he poses the question, "What causes
fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your
desires that battle within you? You want something, but
don't get it."
Are you practicing water torture on your spouse? Are you
killing your marriage one drop at a time? Marriages don't
fail overnight; it takes months, sometimes years of
maddening quarrels to finally snap the final thread of
sanity.
It is a choice. Proverbs 31:11-12 tells us of a woman who
saw the big picture - the health of her marriage. "Her
husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of
value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her
life."
Choose today to be the towel that wipes the sweat from your
weary warrior's brow, not the drip that drives him mad.
Prayer: Father, we praise You for giving us Your words
of wisdom. Teach us today how to be wives who encourage and
not discourage; who hug and not harm; who lift and not drip
quarrels onto our husband's weary hearts. Forgive us when
our homes don't reflect Your love. In Jesus' Name we pray,
Amen.
How to apply this to my life:
Pray: Ask God to make you aware of each time you are
dripping on your loved ones.
Read: 1 Peter 4:7-11
Today, refrain from saying anything that could cause a
quarrel. Instead find new ways of telling your husband how
much he means to you and how thankful you are to be his
wife.
Make a list of every trait that attracted you to your
husband and share them with him tonight.
Pray: Together with your husband, thanking God for your
marriage.
Reflection Time:
When was the last time you greeted your husband with a warm
smile, a gentle hug and a passionate kiss at the door?
How often do you start the quarrels in your home?
Why is it so important to win the fight?
Verses to help:
Proverbs 15:30, "A cheerful look brings joy to the heart,
and good news give health to the bones." (NIV)
Proverbs 15:13, "A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but
heartache crushes the spirit." (NIV)
James 4:9, "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father,
and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's
likeness." (NIV)
James 5:9, "Don't grumble against each other, brothers, or
you will be judged." (NIV)
2 Peter 1:3, "His divine power has given us everything we
need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who
called us by his own glory and goodness." (NIV)
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