(this piece did not have a title at the top, but the name of the file was "Buried")
The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes wasn't pearl gates or a tunnel with light at the end of it. Fuck no… it was darkness. It's kind of fitting really; I mean to be born as a creature of darkness into darkness. Of course that wasn't the first thing I thought about when I reawakened.
Have you ever wondered what it was like to be buried alive? To be trapped in a small box which just leaves a bit of room to move. To be stuck in the darkness until you die of starvation, with no chance of seeing light. Trapped underneath the lid and six or so feet of dirt. I suppose it could have been worse I could have been claustrophobic. Most people never realise that even if you could break through the lid, there is still the fact that you're buried beneath six feet of dirt and by breaking that lid you've let that dirt in. Now this makes it even worse, to be trapped and constricted in the horrible dankness.
You would be fully alive, of course no one else would know that, confined to some paralysed state not being able to move but being fully aware, knowing you are going to die faster. Slowly having all life squeezed out of you by the dirt. You can't even scream or breathe because if you open your mouth all that dirt will fill your mouth like it already has your nostrils. Of course as most people can't even break through the lid they waste their time, air and energy trying to bang on the lid, cry for help or even try to claw through the lid. I heard about this one Mexican nun who was going to be beatified because she was buried alive. They dug up her corpse to see what she did in her last moments. It turns out she tried to scratch through the lid but failing that chewed on her fingers until she had bitten them off to the top knuckle. Of course that's understandable as you quickly go mad confined in that small box.
I went through this. Trapped in that small box I realised where I was and shortly after gave up on banging on the lid and shouting for help, as all this did was waste air. In my need for survival I was one of those stupid people who broke the lid, not realising the consequences of my actions. I was to busy thinking of how I would claw through the dirt and reach the surface to survive. It was all very well to think about but in reality as soon as I broke through the lid the dirt poured in shoving me down and pinning me to the floor of the coffin. I realised, as I lay there as helpless as a paraplegic, how stupid my idea had been. I was surprised to find that I didn't die without air. However that was the only good news, the bad news was that I was still confined under that dirt and probably would be until I died.
Quickly the madness set in as I lay there. It wasn't from knowing I was going to die or from the feeling of being trapped. It was the full deprivation of my senses. You don't realise how important they are to you until you lose them. It is the thing that could drive any man mad like it did me. In all my years nothing has ever terrified me like that feeling, not even death. I lay there slowly going mad, I didn't know which way was up. I had no idea of the time or even what day or year it was. The disorientation was maddening. I don't know how long I lay there before I tried to reach the surface.
I started my vain effort by trying to move my fingers to start to claw. As I struggled I became furious at my lack of movement. I felt the fire of anger spread over my body filling me. A new strength coursed through my veins as I struggled again. I pushed off from the coffin floor. My muscles rippled as I strained. Slowly I felt the dirt begin to shift. I shoved as hard as I could and moved slowly upwards through the dirt. After an eternity my hand broke through to the surface. I felt the cool air stroke my hand. I had enough and burst through the top of the soil and into more darkness. This maddened me even more. I stretched upwards with my hand and felt a cool hard surface. I roared and punched the surface. It cracked and shattered causing bits of concrete to rain down on me.
The cold air caressing my face as I reached the real surface, the night sky was overhead and as the stars and full moon hung in the sky I realised how beautiful the night truly is. Now I was free and I intend to make the full use of my newfound freedom. Shaking myself off I walked out of the cemetery and into the glorious unknown.