Following disruptions to Sydney's train services in recent weeks, New South Wales Premier Bob Carr today announced what he called "A revolutionary new system of operations which will see Sydney become the envy of the world in regards to train travel".

Pressed for details, he went on to explain that, "Innovative technologies will be brought to bear on the whole arena of the rail network, our customers should start to see the difference almost immediately".

An employee of the State Rail Authority, who did not wish to be identified, later revealed that the master plan is to outsource the running of the system to an operations centre in Mumbai, India where the recruits are currently busy practicing on train simulator software packages specially adapted to re-create the scenes of Sydney.

When contacted about the plan, the head of the centre, - Sanjiv Guru, confirmed that, "Things are going well, we are almost up to scratch on the system, - the only things we are lacking is information about the seating capacity of the train roofs and the height clearance of the tunnels, then  we can get Sydney moving again".