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Web - Mensline Australia
Newspaper - The Age's Alan Close
Book - The Bride Stripped Bare
Advert - Dove’s Desire Chocolate
Phone - Pregnancy Counselling Australia
Work - Women in the defence force

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Men stray for one simple reason - frisky young Kittens who'll give them what they want, sex. My old grandmother told me, "Stella, if you want to stay happily married, just make sure you keep your man's stomach full and his testicles empty." Sound advice. A happy bedroom makes a happy marriage.
Kitten News

In 1997, the Howard government announced the initiative of Men and Family Relationship Services as part of the federal government’s Partnerships Against Domestic Violence. Since that time, the Department of Family and Community Services, under the Family Relationships Services Program, has administered Men and Family Relationship Services, allocating $25.1 million over the next four years, of which $1.4 million went to Men’s Line Australia.

Men’s Line is a 24hr telephone service established to provide counselling and referral to men having relationship difficulties particularly after separation and/or divorce in the hope of reducing male suicide and family violence. Men’s Line also runs an intranet service; a web site with links and references posted by contributors.

And so it was, while searching through Men’s Line – a website devoted to helping men with relationship difficulties – that I came across Kitten News, listed as a site with ‘man friendly news, information and entertainment for Australian men.’ Kitten News certainly doesn’t give men much credit and, more importantly, I doubt that its ‘advice’ is helpful for men facing relationship difficulties.

True, Men’s Line provides only a hyperlink, but its Code of Conduct for Contributors states that ‘contributions of a personal or offensive nature will be excluded from the site.’ The Code also states that contributions should be submitted to the web-monitor before posting. Is Kitten News the type of relationship advice that Men’s Line provides?

More than just a forum for connection to other sights, Men’s Line allows contributors to post their personal stories, in direct conflict with its Code of Conduct. One contributor, clearly angered, choose to title his story “Take back our Rights and Our Children”. He discussed his own life, in which he was tricked by his now ex-girlfriend into fathering a child so she could live off his income, via child support payments, indefinitely. Moreover, contrary to the ‘no threat’ policy of the Code of Conduct, ‘Take back our Rights’ is written as ‘a call to arms for all single fathers that feel they are treated unjustly by the “system.”.’ Instead of finding a systemic way of dealing with men’s relationships with ex-partners, Men’s Line is insighting hate, even violence.

Domestic Violence is a repeated theme within the postings of the website, as it should be considering the source of the agency’s funding. Unfortunately, the only postings on domestic violence are those claiming that women are greater, if not equally responsible for perpetrating violence; all of the fifteen submissions by contributors dealt with topics of women’s violence towards men. Instead of acknowledging the role of men in domestic violence, there is a denial of its existence.

One link, MENDS, lists domestic violence under ‘Separation Traps’ used by women against men when entering divorce proceedings:

WARNING: Some people may try to provoke an altercation as the basis of a domestic violence charge which can be used to get a man out of the family home or gain other advantage in legal proceedings.
MENDS

As a service initiated in response to domestic violence, it is staggering that domestic violence is, at no point, even defined. Although a Men’s Line Administrator posts documents, no mention is made of how the funding of the organisation is related to a need to counter domestic violence.

Under the link for Administrative Documents a section that ‘contains MLA working documents such as policy and procedures, referral protocols, service reports, newsletters and information about the service's operation’, I found such documents as ‘Driving Men Away’. This article lists in ten points how women ruin relationship by doing such things as ‘constantly talking about other men’ or using sex as a weapon by refusing ‘to do certain things in bed’. Says ‘Lawrence’, an attorney, ‘I can’t stand it when a woman always wants to prove to me that she’s smart, tough, and independent.’

This is another form of male privilege placed under the guise of relationship advice. Again, there is a lack of responsibility for relationship break-ups, a particularly disappointing perspective considering those that are contacting Men’s Line may, if they aren’t already, enter into a relationship again.

Is this what the people running Men’s Line really believe? It is hard to tell for, although contributors, under the Code of Conduct, are expected to give their full name, it is unclear who is responsible for monitoring the website.

There appears to be no accountability, either from those who run it (whoever they may be), the contributors of the website, or from the government who funds it. Certainly, there are more constructive ways to use resources designed to counter domestic violence. It is certainly significant that in contrast to Men’s Line Australia, the only 24hr service listed for ‘women’ is for domestic violence.

Anti-Choice and Proud of It

In fact Close sounds a lot like so many disgruntled men’s movements that have been given voice recently by politicians and the media. These organisations use anecdotal evidence to blame women, the system, feminism, anyone, except themselves, for the state of their own lives. True, Close isn’t claiming that women are the roots of all sin and there are no quotes from the bible, unlike the Blackshirts. Yet he presents many of his opinions as if they were the natural order of things, revealed like the Ten Commandments.

Let’s take one of his favourite themes: the single parent, or more precisely – why the world’s problems can be blamed on single mothers. Thinly veiled as a debate on fatherless children, Close links this 'epidemic' to many of society’s woes, without any references or professional expertise. He claims that fatherless boys grow up to be violent criminals, drug dependant, and suicidal, while fatherless girls (in a twisted parallel) become teenage mothers (Sept 6). Even murderers can be seen as victims when it is shown that they came from a broken home (July 26).

Close proclaims to have an answer to these many evils – stop women from denying children fathers. 'I think that we, as a community, need to exert better guidance and support to prevent even more children growing up without fathers'(Sept 20).

There is no examination of alternative family structures such as same sex couples or extended families because Close has a personal agenda. His 'evidence' is based on his own life experience and, as he routinely recounts his many female partners, it is clear that his image of masculinity is one-dimensional. Femininity in turn becomes monolithic also, corresponding to his 'ideal' masculinity.

Men are from Mars, and Women are from some other fuckin’ planet

Like many who reiterate the need to return to a nuclear family structure, the word patriarchy is never mentioned. Instead, a 'men are from Mars, women are from Venus' approach is used to show how women and men’s roles are 'complimentary'. Yet in this dichotomy, women take the burden of blame for the failings of men.

In Close’s August 9 edition (aptly titled Lost for Words) Close discussed how men and women speak in different languages. Close claimed that 'the female brain is built for verbal communication' and as such men 'do' while women 'talk'.

Really? In Close’s analysis, men are busy getting on with the real world business while women are sitting around the coffee table gossiping about their feelings.

Yet oddly enough it is women who are to blame for relationship breakdowns: 'Feelings and emotions are women’s language – a language the women of this generation with no prior warning, have asked their men to suddenly know and share'(August 9). In Close’s world not only should men be content with this emotional handicap, but women should accommodate it.

Eewaz All Me Ma’s Fault

Sure enough, Close has figured out who to blame in his own life. A fatherless man whose parents remained married, Close relates his own failings to his most prominent female role model - his mother.

Although growing up physically with both mother and father, Close’s father was unable to 'express his love' and therefore presented as a 'classic absent father.' Yet even his father’s shortcomings were the result of his mother, 'an angry woman' who 'could not be wrong' hence (drum roll please) his father could not 'stand up' to his wife (June 7). How fitting that, neither a divorcee nor a product of a fatherless childhood, Close manages to relate to the disgruntled fathers’ movements through his own life trauma. Well that explains Close’s deep resentment for choice, the bastard reality of strong women.

Close blames ‘freedom of choice’ for a lot of things, including the reason he is not a father. A low sigh can be heard in the background as Close appears to lament the paradox that has made it unable for him to join a disgruntled father’s movement.

And Choice really was the culprit in Close’s own life as he had a partner that had an abortion. Close was made a part of the decision but unfortunately, society had given him too much choice, and he didn’t know what to do with it.

Anti-Choice

‘The bastard offspring of choice is confusion.’
Men Love Sex

Close’s arguments, framed as a modern understanding of masculinities, are blatantly anti-choice. It is ‘choice’ that is to blame for Close’s own unwed, childless life. Yet although he admits to having ‘choice’ he takes no responsibility for his own decisions: 'I didn’t consciously choose to be single and childless at this age, but then neither do I think I was capable of steering my life any other way'(June 7).

Close laments what he perceives as the ideal family structure – long term, married, with children – even though people (Close included) are choosing alternative relationships.

Are we really not supposed to make the connection between choice and feminism? The right for a woman to have control over her body during a pregnancy is called ‘pro-choice’ after all. I wonder whether it would be better if Close could say what he really means, and stop hiding behind a veil of liberal reasoning.

Close’s real problem is not choice, but the responsibility that goes along with it. Again, there are many links to his opinion and those of disgruntled men’s movements, but the common theme is the lack of responsibility these men take for their own lives.

And I for one am fighting too hard for the ability to have choice, to carry the burden of men’s failings as well.

The Bride Stripped Bare
Anonymous

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This book created hype even before it was published. The controversy stems from the anonymity of the author, Nikki Gemmell, whose identity was uncovered by a journalist before her book went to press. Gemmell left the authorship as Anonymous but included a one page postscript discussing her original desire to write the book unknown and hence unrestricted. Many have questioned whether the issue of authorship was a marketing gimmick but this debate overshadows the book’s content, which is the real fiasco behind this publication.

The issue of authorship and secrecy is a reoccurring theme within the novel as well as outside of it. The story takes place in London and revolves around a woman who believes she has unravelled her husband’s secret liaison with her best friend. In retaliation, the main character has an affair where, because the man is less sexually experienced, a virgin in fact, she is free to explore her sexual fantasies. The main character, whose name is never revealed, is writing down the events of her life, inspired by another anonymous 19th century book written by a woman. Each one or two paged chapter is written as a ‘lesson’, 138 in total and each meeting with her lover also is referred to as a lesson. Through the didactic quality of the 2nd person ‘you’, Gemmell forces the reader to be part of the story, making it even more disturbing.

The main character is both unlikeable and, to me, unrealistic. This second point in particular seems rarely questioned, perhaps because it is assumed that she is based on Gemmel. Certainly there is an older generation of women who left their careers when they got married but the main character is only 35 and provides no plausible explanation for her predicament. As a reader I simply couldn’t believe that any woman, by her mid-thirties, had not figured out how to have an orgasm, particularly when her best friend was a sex therapist. I think women are far more resourceful than Gemmel gives us credit for.

Moreover, if women like this exist, I have very little sympathy for them. The main character enters marriage for safety and security and then wonders why her sex life with her husband is unsatisfactory. She ‘allows’ him to talk her into leaving her job, becomes financially dependent on him, and then suddenly feels trapped. There can be no compassion for a woman who picks a husband based on whether he snores or not, who takes more time faking orgasms than figuring out how to have one, that takes no responsibility for the failings in her own life. Certainly life can be tough but the novel neither equips us with any new strategies, nor questions why the main character found it necessary to be married before she could have any self confidence.

Even on a sexually explicit level, the book remains unsatisfying; more than a Mills and Boon but less than an episode of ‘Sex in the City’. The main character talks about orgasms and orifices but it all seemed strangely detached, like name dropping at the Oscars. Some people have called the sex references pornographic but I certainly don’t need a footnote to say the work ‘cunt’. The book could have been interesting if it was about a sexually repressed woman but there is nothing new to explore here.

That being said, the book could have passed for boring if its underlying message was not anything less than misogynist. Although the book presents itself under the guise of voyeurism, the underlying lesson is not one of liberation, but of limitation; a woman cannot, and should not try, to have both a fulfilling sex life and love. The main character’s affair, inevitably, fails because her lover is in love with her.

The book puts its point across in a most disturbing manner. After breaking up with her lover Gabriel (I’m not even going to discuss the religious connotation), the main character has sex with three strangers allowing them to ‘do anything’ in an effort to be ‘cleansed.’ After fulfilling her sexual fantasies with Gabriel, largely because she was in control, the main character allows three unknown men to take the power back, before she can go home to her husband. Again, she attempts sex with strangers, this time, with a woman but finds she can’t go through with it. This is the final act of perversion, the climax of debasement. The worst of the worst so it would appear is lesbianism, a point which Gemmel reiterates by making the woman ‘dirty’ and then a thief as she steals the main character’s hand bag.

This perhaps is not surprising as Gemmel has few female characters with any redeemable qualities. The main character’s best friend, Theo, is a sex therapist who is married but has an open relationship. Other married women have secret liaisons as a matter of course and although the main character suspects an affair between her husband and Theo, it is the best friend who gets the boot. Theo is also unhappy with her career and unable to have a child, which she discovers too late, is the only path for true happiness. The only woman exhilarated by her career is the main character’s mother, a woman who, independent and active, alas is not a successful mother. In the dichotomy between motherhood and career, Gemmel makes babies the salvation against the main character’s perverse existence. I wonder who Gemmel is trying to convince here, herself a recent mother of two.

Yet the book doesn’t end with baby showers and happily ever after. Instead, the main character goes missing, along with her baby, yet ‘no bodies were ever recovered.’ Was it suicide? Did her husband or lover push her off the cliff in a jealous revenge? Did she finally learn to get a life, faked her own death, and got one?
Who cares?

The ending is the ultimate finale to this woman’s debased life, punished for her sins, Gemmel makes sure she will never voice her opinion again:

Lesson 139
If you think about having an orgasm as a woman, you will destroy your stable married life which can only be a woman’s true calling, be abducted by aliens, and burn if a fiery pit of hell. Ok, so the aliens bit is mine, but you get the idea.

The real scare here is that men will read this book and take it seriously. Indeed, Gemmel/the main character dedicates the book to her and all husbands. Please do not allow men to think that all women are this insecure. Do not merely confine this book to the flames but rejoice in denouncing it, least men think that this is what we’re all about.

Dove’s Desire TV Ads:
A Television Commercial that Reinforces Harmful Stereotypes

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Dove’s newest chocolate bar, Desire, was recently marketed through a television commercial that reinforce the stereotype of a woman making a false charge against a man to the Victorian police.

The television commercial depicts a woman creating a police sketch of a man. Once she had found a picture that resembles someone she recognises, she informs two male police officers. They leave her, to find the culprit, and return him back to the office. The man from the sketch appears confused until the woman approaches him and, without the knowledge of the police, gives him her phone number. The couple makes obvious their sexual attraction to each other.

What the advertisement essentially portraying is a woman making a false charge against a male assailant to the police (a Victorian Police car is visible during the commercial). This advertisement reinforces the stereotype that women routinely make false claims when reporting crimes to the police.

A survey initiated by the Office for the Status of Women found:

a significant minority (34%) of the community feels that women make false claims of rape, indicating some reluctance to believe victims - men are more likely to show reluctance to believe victims. (Community Attitudes to Violence Against Women, 1995, p.14)

Most distressing is the fact that, particularly for sexual violence, women do not make official reports because they feel the police and/or the community will not believe them. Moreover, this depiction could also affect the way the, largely male, Victorian Police force deal with sexual assaults and/or domestic violence complaints.

Do Not Be Quiet
In response to this commercial I wrote three letters, one to Masterfoods Australia New Zealand, one to Christine Nixon, and one to the Advertising Standards Bureau.

Masterfoods Australian New Zealand
On initial investigation, it was difficult to figure out who was in charge of Desire, so, I went to my local supermarket and looked at the product. On the wrapper, it is clear that Dove (another type of chocolate bar) endorses Desire. On reading the fine print of the package, it was apparent that Masterfoods Australia New Zealand distributed Desire chocolate, and included an address.

I wrote a one-page letter to the company explaining why I thought the advertisement was harmful and stating that I was taking my complaint to the Advertising Standards Board. I have never received a reply.

Christine Nixon
Victoria’s latest chief commissioner of police is Christine Nixon, a woman who has stated that she is dedicated to creating equality within the police force and further training for police officers on issues surrounding family violence. Who better then to highlight how the Desire ad uses the image of the Victorian police in their ad.

I wrote a similar letter to Christine Nixon, via the Office of the Chief of Staff, that was sent to Masterfoods. Small additions included highlighting how the Victorian police were used during this advertisement.

I received a response from the Office of the Chief Commissioner almost immediately. Although it was written by a member of Nixon’s staff, the letter clearly stated that the Victorian Police would investigate the matter. I have never heard back from the police commissioner’s office again.

Advertising Standards Bureau
The ASB was created to deal with complaints from the public about advertisement that does not meet with the Advertisers Code of Standards. The process was easy; I merely filled out a form located on their website which included:

name of advertiser and/or product
description of the advertisement
when and where I saw it
name and postal address
reasons for my concern

For my reasons I claimed that the commercial portrayed a negative stereotype of women in direct conflict with the Code, Section 2.1, that states:

2.1 Advertisements shall not portray people or depict material in a way, which discriminates against or vilifies a person or section of the community on account of race, ethnicity, nationality, sex, age, sexual preference, religion, disability or political belief.

The ASB took several weeks to respond and stated that my complaint would be submitted to the board for investigation. This was somewhat confusing, as I assumed my web submission had covered this.

Nearly two months after my initial complaint, the ASB sent me a letter with their final decision. My complaint had been dismissed based on the decision that "there was no overt indication that a false report was being made."

Included in this letter finally was, finally, a response by the advertiser:

First of all, there is nothing in the commercial to suggest the woman is making a false report of a crime. An alternative and possibly more plausible scenario based on the footage could be that the woman witnessed a "soft" crime committed by a handsome guy and reported it to the officers with a secondary motive to make contact with him later on.

Although my complaint appeared unsuccessful, I have not seen the commercial on television for several weeks.

Do Not Call This Number
Pregnancy Counselling Australia 1 300 737 732

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On the inset of every White Pages telephone book in Australia is a listing of emergency numbers. These are 24 hour numbers for people in crisis - poison information centre, alcohol and drug councelling, and the 000 of ambulance, fire and police.

And there is also the number for Pregnancy Counselling Australia. At first glance, the number looks like a progressive step forward – a 24 hour service for women on the issue of pregnancy. Unfortunately, the site is run by Right to Life Australia.

It seems unlikely that a political organisation can run a non-judgemental counselling service with a full range of referrals. Right to Life Australia clearly refutes a woman’s right to make a decision about her pregnancy. The guiding principle behind this telephone counselling service is that there is 'no problem so great that a mother need kill her unborn child'.

The listing of Pregnancy Counselling Australia is deceptive and Right to Life Australia has mislead the public before in previous phone book listings:

2002/03
Abortion trauma and crisis pregnancy 1 300 737 732
Crisis Pregnancy Counselling 1 300 737 732

2003/04
Pregnancy Counselling Australia 1 300 737 732
(Pregnancy termination alternatives and posts termination counselling)

In an April 2003 article in The Age, Thomas Arthur assured the public that Telestra did not deliberately enter misleading telephone numbers in its directory. Arthur, general manager of the Telstra subsidiary Sensis, stated that his company was 'conscious in an area such as this that people do know what type of service they will receive.'

So I wrote to Arthur, asking him why Right to Life Australia made it into the phone book again, albeit under a different name. He felt that that the new listing complied with the rules for the 24 Hour Emergency and Community Help sections even though the rules includes that 'the content of the listing must not misrepresent the nature of the service provided.'

DO NOT BE QUIET

This listing does not give women all the relevant information to make an informed decision about their lives. Pregnancy Counselling Australia has the potential to traumatise women who are asking for help, ensuring that they are mistrustful of others in the future. If you would like this phone number removed from over 11 million phone books, then there are several things that you can do.

1/ Tell your friends, acquaintances, co-workers. You may never know when someone needs help in the future and you wouldn’t want them to go to the wrong spot.

2/ Ensure that your local neighbourhood house or community health centre does not list this number as a referral. Individuals are not the only ones duped into believing this phone number is non-partisan.

3/ Write a letter. Sensis would be a good first stop. Telstra – probably second.
State that you would like this phone number removed and that Telstra should create a policy on these types of numbers, particularly since this mistake has been repeated in successive years. Then go for the government. Try your local MP, or the Office of the Status of Women. And don’t forget the media. Why not send Tom Noble at The Age a line (t.noble@theage.com.au) since he wrote about the previous listing.

And once you sent those letters, tell us what you’ve done.
We will let you know what happens in the future.

The War Against Women
The Government’s Reservation to Women in the Australian Defence Forces

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Do you have what it takes – a motto used frequently within the Australian Defence Forces (ADF). If you’re a woman then the answer is no. Women are denied employment within the ADF that involves direct combat duties.

The government's discrimination has extended to international law. In 1983, the Australian government signed the Convention on the Elimination of all forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) and entered a reservation that restricted women from combat duties within the ADF. This reservation still stands 20 years later. To make workplace laws reflect these restrictions, the Sex Discrimination Act, section 43, makes it legal to uphold this type of discrimination.

Is there any reason why women should be excluded from combat duties?

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Comments and articles will be published in forthcoming editions.